Tuesday, January 20, 2009

More like my sister than I thought

I passed out at work today. I dead fainted!!!!! I was assisting with the extraction of all 4 wisdom teeth. The first one in this poor Lady's head was impacted so we had to surgically remove it. No big deal. Made it through that one no problem. stitches and all. The second one came out really easy. The Third one was also impacted and had to be surgically removed. I made it to the stitches. Suddenly I felt all the blood in face drop at a rapid pace to my toes. I got really hot all of a sudden. My hands started to sweat and the room started to look like it was underwater. I yelled for another assistant... " DAWN....!!!!" Then I heard the Dr. Say " Catch her!!!!!!!" I hit my head on the sink on the way down. I was laying on the floor of the Dental office for I don't know how long before I awoke to 5 assistants and 2 Dr's standing over me and a huge headache.

They dragged me to the break room and made me eat sweet potato pie. ( I don't eat sugar so it really made it all worse). Dawn , the other assistant , decided I fainted from stress because of my kids and my stupid ex- husband. To save face, I agreed with her. The office manager made me go home once I was feeling well enough to drive. Really, was that necessary? If I could drive I could hold a suction straw and polish a few teeth. Anyway I had to go home , and now I'm out a half a day's pay for my weak constitution. I need a better job.

Friday, January 16, 2009


I've decided that some people are afraid of my life. It's not full of ribbon's and bows and happy stories about my children keeping me up all night and all the fun things I've done with my them lately. That's OK. My life is full of those things ( except the ribbons and bows). I am a very different person than most the people I know. My life is complicated. I don't love it. i would rather spend the majority of my time running around with my kids and a visiting with my neighbors and going to wal mart in my pj's. Life dealt me a different hand. I chose a different road to walk down and now I'm doing my best to deal with it. I do the best with what I have. If feel bad ( sometimes) that i offend people on the way. I feel really bad the friends that I thought I once had are no longer showing interest in me because I'm to messy, or what ever. I Thank the ones who don't really care about the current mess because they seem to realize that it will eventually wash off. I'll climb out of this hole I'm in and I'll know who to thank for helping me out on the other side. I might even be wearing a ribbon or two.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

new theme song today

today I'm mad so I get a mad theme song. My ex-hole pulled a dirty one on me. in our divorce decree I'm the custodial parent and we have joint custody so he gets the kids 135 days of the year. He gets to have them every other weekend and one day of the week. He often complains when I ask him to pick the kids up from daycare because I have to work late because he has a date or it's his night to go play with his brother. well, the other night he calls me and drops a bomb on me. He tells me he now wants the kids 180 days a years regardless what the divorce decree says. He wants them half the year. 4 days out of the week and if I say no he will star a custody battle. Well that doesn't give me much choice it? I told him no. he says I'm denying his rights as a father. i said he signed legal documents stating that he agreed to the 135 days of the year and they were now signed by a judge. It can't be changed. He now wants to re wright the papers. I don't think that can be done with out a court battle , so he basically said " bring it on". I'm looking for a good custody lawyer. I'm worried about my kids and what all of this will do to them. He doesn't seem to put that into his equation. not really sure how to help them. I love than so much. I cried a lot that night. I don't know what happened to the man I used to be married to. He has changed from the gentle giant to a hulking beast. It makes me sad.

Monday, January 12, 2009


do you believe in curses?

Friday, January 9, 2009

maybe a break in the storm

I have decided that I need a theme song. something to pick me up when I'm feeling down. One of my favorite songs is FLOAT ON by MODEST MOUSE. The lyrics seemed to fit my life and how I need to shape my attitude so I added music player to my blog. So, if your speakers aren't already on, turn them on and give my theme song a listen. I added a few other pick- me -ups to that player too. : )

I had an interview at another Dental office today. I REALLY want this job. The hours are great and when I said how much I wanted to be payed the Dr. said that it sounded reasonable. WOW! that has never happened. He understood that I don't know how to do everything and said that was OK too. "Everything is easy enough to learn f you're willing to learn", he said. How cool if an office would this be to work in? Too cool!!! That's how!!! He wanted me to set up a working interview for next week, so when I talked to his front office manager to set the interview up she was shocked that I already have a job. She seemed almost put out, like what was I doing looking for another job if I already had one. ( nobody does that) She asked me if the office that I currently work for knows that I'm looking for another job. I fumbled my answer and said something stupid like -" they know the possibility of me looking for another job." She just gave me the stink eye and scheduled my interview. I was feeling so confident until she started acting all weird. I KNOW i told her I had a job the day we talked to set up my first interview. i was AT work when we talked. I'm afraid now that she'll call the office I currently work at and give them a heads up. Can she do that? I don't know. what I do know is I need a lot of good luck to get out of this storm so I can just FLOAT ON. . .

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

extracting a tooth...

I love being a dental assistant. I get to see some of the coolest and some of the grossest things. Yesterday a man came in to the office with tooth pain. He said that when he bit down it felt like something sharp was jabbing his brain. I work well with imagery. I'm not so good at taking x-ray's the first time. I usually have to put people who are already in pain in more pain a few more times until I get just the right x-ray of their sore tooth. Sorry guys. The Dr's that I currently work for ( Yes, I said Dr's. I work for 3 different Dr's. I hate it. I am soooo looking for a new job. It's hard to keep track how each guy does things. ) will usually pull a tooth rather than do a root canal. That's been my experience so far anyway. So , this guy that was having something shoved in his brain when he bit down was a BIG guy. He had BIG teeth too. The Dr. decided that the tooth was just a wisdom tooth and in such bad shape there was no need to do a Root canal ( of course) so it would be the best course of action to extract it. The Dr's in this office also don't feel that it's necessary to make another appointment to do said extracting. They want to do it now. It surprises everyone. All the patients break into a sweat, but I think they are all to afraid to say " wait, what? right now?" Did you know that there are forceps for every quadrant of the mouth? I didn't either and I even went to school. I grabbed the wrong forceps once and very quickly learned under the wrath of a Dr and one of the other assistants that there are indeed several forceps and cruets and elevators and other tooth removing devices for all 4 quadrants of the mouth. I still don't know them all , but I sure try. So, this big tooth guy didn't have a chance to say "wait" before we were in his mouth yanking on his fat tooth. It was stuck tight. The Dr. had to stand up over the guy's head. I could hear cracking and sucking noises. I Kept making "eeww", and "yuck" noises. The Dr. Kept giving me dirty looks. I think I almost passed out once. Finally the tooth came free. It was a HUGE tooth. I can't even tell you the rest ,because just remembering what the Dr. had to do next is making me feel woozy. This was a bad subject to write about. I won't do it again. I hope you're not going to have lunch now ore think about this the next time you go to the dentist. I just happen to work for so exceptional guys! Next time I'll write about when I got the prophy paste in my eye.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


About a million years ago I was reading some other blog and the woman writing it wrote in her profile that she loved her husband to the point of being pathetic. Wow! My heart nearly broke with ache, because I believed I would never feel that kind of love. I had never known anything but the feelings of possession that mimic love, and the love of a very good friend, but never real , knock ya off your feet, this is the guy, romantic kind of love until now. I am finally able to identify with that unknown blog woman. I am pathetically in- love. I had no Idea love felt so good. No wonder there are so many books, and poems written about it. I understand romantic comedy's a lot better now. I don't feel that little green jealousy bug bite be anymore when I see a truly happy couple. I used to hate looking at other peoples wedding pictures. ugh!

A little thing or two about my Mike: Mike and I met during our Junior year of High School. We met in creative writing class. He thought it was funny that I wrote BLAAAAAAAA really big on the inside of my note book and then belched into it during class. I showed the class my Belch page and everybody laughed , ha ha ha. Mike thought I was so clever that he wrote , cough, hack, hack on the inside back cover of his note book and when ever he had to cough that's where he did it. Copy cat.

We became fast friends , and would often do things together like go up the U on the mountain during a lighting storm so we could watch the lighting all over the valley. We would got to parks in the middle of the night and just swing on the swings and talk until we were stupid with tiredness. When I bought my first REAL car I took it up to his house to show him and we sat out front kicking the tires while he explained to me the best way to pay it off quickly. When I wrote the stupidest ONE ACT play ever he never criticized me like everyone else did he just designed my set for me and wished me luck. I remember sitting up in the theater seats just watching him, dressed all in black, while stained the floor of one section of my set.

After High School, Mike went up to the U and I didn't. He invited me to a few of the plays that he designed the lights and pyro technics for; the ones I went to were totally freaky so I quit going.
I remember running around the hall of the drama department of with him and sneaking in places we weren't supposed to go.

During the summers he would go to Cedar City to work for the Shakespearean festival. He would come back up to Salt Lake and bring me gifts and ask me to come down and hang out for a while. I always said no, because I was a chicken of my directional skills and had never driven that far yet in my life and was afraid I would get lost. After several attempts to get me to come down he finally stopped asking, and I didn't see him again until his wedding 4 years later.

When he saw me at his wedding he began crying and introduced me as his best friend. He later told me that when he saw me he realized he married the wrong person.

We didn't see each other until my wedding 2 years latter. He surprised me. I had invited him, but since I didn't know where he lived I had to send the invitation to his parents. I wasn't expecting him to come. He lived in LAS VEGAS at the time and the morning of my wedding he flew up and then flew back that night. I was so happy to see him I almost disrupted my own wedding. Later that night after my wedding I cried to my mom on the phone and told her I had made a mistake and now I can't change it. How do you UN-do an hours old marriage?

Mike and I didn't seen or heard from each other for 9 years. I had written him one note, but he was afraid to answer. We both carried pictures of each other around with us and he kept one of me at his desk and I kept one of him in my journal.

My marriage had been bad from the beginning. We always tried to make it good and sometimes it would work for awhile. I started thinking of ways to leave my husband after about 5 years, but we just kept trying. Counseling, books, more open communication, individual therapy. We tried everything. I became so sick with so many things. I almost died in Moab, Headaches that would kill a plow horse, heart surgery, etc. The strain of it all killed what was left of us. MY ex-husband shut off. I told him I needed to find Mike. He helped me. Mike Called at just the right moment. He called me December of 07. It was like no time had passed. I soon learned that my marriage was not the only one that was hanging by a thread. When he would limp his way through a bad patch in his marriage I would try too hold him up, and he would do the same for me. Although many people warned us and thought it wrong that we be so closely involved in each others live at such tender times, we were each others strength. My Ex could see that Mike made me happy and encouraged me to be with him despite himself.

Although neither of us really expected it or really wanted it at the time, we began to fall in love. We think back now and wonder if we always have been and just never acknowledged it. I fought it. I was going through a divorce. I didn't want to be in love and be getting a divorce at the same time, but no matter the method I found pathetic love. We revolve around each other. We're like a dance. I'm the lungs and he's my air. My life is so hard right now , but it doesn't matter because with Mike, everything is alright.