Thursday, March 5, 2009

total stress

A lot has happened in the matter of a few short weeks. I got fired. We found out that our house got sold and we had a until the first of April to find a suitable home to live in. That 's not an easy a task as it sounds. We also have to finish planning and execute our "wedding /reception" . Oh yeah , and pack. I am so stressed. I cry a lot. I get angry a lot and I yell a lot. What hurts the most is that my kids, whom I love so deeply can see and feel the stress I;m under and want to be with there dad. We'll who wouldn't. there's no stress there. Brylea bought me a chocolate chocolate doughnut yesterday with her own " gold" moneys. I don't eat sugar , but I ate it for her , because she got it for me to help me feel better. I need help with something. Prayers. packing. I sometimes that the world was a big marionette and I was the puppete master controlling it all. making it all go the way in needed it to go. I was talking to my mom the other day and expressing to her that I don't know how to have faith. I don't know how to turn ever thing over to the Lord. To put my life in his hands and trust him to take care of me. I have always needed to have control. I don't understand the Lords time, when my needs are now. It's so frustrating. the only thing I know how to do is fast and pray. Fast like Enoch. Is that the right prophet? the one who fasted for all those days , what was 3, 40? My mom told me I'd be dead if I fasted for 40 so 3 is all I can do. I have to do something. I really need a job. I'm a really good dental assistant. I just need someone to give me a chance- again.

2 comments:

Manda Jane said...

Wow you have a lot on your plate! I'm the same as you, if I don't have total control I go so crazy. Let me know if we can help you with anything! Good luck with the moving even though it makes me so sad! the family two houses down are selling their home- they just put it up yesterday. You could move one street over!! :)

demoux family said...

Wow, I can feel the frustration and stress. Sorry about all of that. I hope things calm down quickly. If we can help at all, feel free to call. Hope it all works out soon.