Thursday, March 5, 2009
A lot has happened in the matter of a few short weeks. I got fired. We found out that our house got sold and we had a until the first of April to find a suitable home to live in. That 's not an easy a task as it sounds. We also have to finish planning and execute our "wedding /reception" . Oh yeah , and pack. I am so stressed. I cry a lot. I get angry a lot and I yell a lot. What hurts the most is that my kids, whom I love so deeply can see and feel the stress I;m under and want to be with there dad. We'll who wouldn't. there's no stress there. Brylea bought me a chocolate chocolate doughnut yesterday with her own " gold" moneys. I don't eat sugar , but I ate it for her , because she got it for me to help me feel better. I need help with something. Prayers. packing. I sometimes that the world was a big marionette and I was the puppete master controlling it all. making it all go the way in needed it to go. I was talking to my mom the other day and expressing to her that I don't know how to have faith. I don't know how to turn ever thing over to the Lord. To put my life in his hands and trust him to take care of me. I have always needed to have control. I don't understand the Lords time, when my needs are now. It's so frustrating. the only thing I know how to do is fast and pray. Fast like Enoch. Is that the right prophet? the one who fasted for all those days , what was 3, 40? My mom told me I'd be dead if I fasted for 40 so 3 is all I can do. I have to do something. I really need a job. I'm a really good dental assistant. I just need someone to give me a chance- again.